Honesty

Last month we talked about “Telling the Truth”.  In that column I pointed out that truth is subjective and can be influenced by the social needs of the situation.  This is not true of Honesty.

Honesty is the accurate relating of facts and fact related evaluations to someone with a right and/or need to know those facts.  If one is employed to oversee finances in an organization, then all the financial information is contracted to be relayed without intentional distortion to whoever hired you.  Honesty is a responsibility created by one’s voluntary involvement in a situation that carries with it commitment. 

While this may seem very straightforward, it can be fraught with difficulty.  Frequently, honesty includes giving bad news.  Unlike truth, honesty does not include softening the news or hedging the presentation so things look better than the situation, in fact is.  Sometimes this may mean risking losing your job or getting demoted or facing disciplinary action.  In “Telling the Truth” this may sometimes be avoided to a degree; but in honesty so such avoidance is allowed.  The reason you must put yourself at risk is that you committed to the job and its standards of performance; when you took the employment or made the agreement.  If you have failed to satisfactorily execute that agreement then you must so state.

To many the previous paragraph is of some interest, but may not on the face of it be compelling. However, when we include your incarnation as such an agreement and contract it becomes much more interesting!  The agreement and commitment is your incarnational intention and the employer is yourself.  Therefore, one’s ongoing conversations with self have to be characterized by honesty.  Staying on track for one’s learning and accomplishing what one set out to do in this life requires an ongoing climate of honesty to the degree it is possible at any given time. 

We always know when we are not being honest with ourselves.  As children we become adept at mentally changing reality to suit our needs.  We can deny things vehemently until we believe them.  A child can be standing in the kitchen with a cookie in its hand denying he/she had taken the cookie and be genuinely hurt when he/she isn't believed.

This is part of a child’s learning the boundaries between reality and fantasy.  This is a perfect time to teach a child that being wrong isn't being invalid or bad.  To hold the child and play at his/her level by saying let’s see how that cookie could have gotten in your hand!   Play out the possibilities and let it know that even though it did something you had told it not to do; it didn't mean it was a bad child, just one who did something they shouldn't.  The game of “was the pleasure great enough to compensate for being in the wrong”.  Then talk about how the child might handle this the next time; admit it, not take the cookie, ask you for it, etc..

As we get older we often develop the habit of justifying our self dishonesty by using the behavior of others as a reason.  “They do it”, “If they hadn't done that, I wouldn't have done this”.  In adulthood we often just belittle it, “it isn't really stealing” “they can’t afford it” “well that is the way she is” and so on.  Sometimes we do things and just don't think about it as a way of being ok with doing something of which we aren't proud or something we want to do in spite of the consequences.   When caught, we often don't admit it outright but pass it off as “everyone does it” “it was only a towel” etc.
 
When we evaluate our lives we have to take into account that some denial is inescapable.  Denial is the inability to see a reality not a refusal to do so.  Honesty therefore is limited to what we can see.  One thing we can always see is what is going on in our lives, the reality of events in our day to day existence.  While we may not be able to see the cause of some of these events we have to acknowledge honestly what is going on and what we think might be some causes.  Being honest in this situation also includes an effort to discover the answers we don't have by asking others, reading and demanding insight from our Higher Self. (The capital letters here don't indicate authority, but the uniqueness of that consciousness). 

An honest effort means taking seriously what is going on in our lives and seeking answers.  Obviously if things are going well there is no investigation needed unless we had to make a change or do something we didn't really want to do to bring this good event to us.  If this is so, we have to then admit that what we did brought good results and to include this in the future even if we are not thrilled with it at the moment.

On the other side of this issue, if something is not working in our lives, honesty demands we admit it and acknowledge it.  Rationalization, justification and minimizing the situation is not honest.  What I can tell you is that no matter how painful facing reality may be, the pain of not facing it is much greater over a long period of time.  This pain will frustrate your blueprint, prevent you accomplishing what you came here to do and ruin your ability to enjoy and trust yourself.  Of course, what is familiar always seems easier than does change; even if the familiar is painful and upsetting.  If admitting you are in a bad relationship has you thinking it is not so bad, it may improve; you don't spend that much time together, it may be your fault and counseling might help or some such, you are just caving in to the dubious comfort of the familiar.  This is assisted by thinking about how hard a break up or divorce would be and what you would do, etc.
If we are not careful, fear of the unknown can prevent growth, happiness and fulfillment.        

This isn't a column on telling the truth however, but one of feeling good about yourself through honesty.  There is a price for feeling good about yourself and it consists in part of doing difficult things which seem to put you in a bad light.  For example, when caught just saying, “Yep, I did that; sorry, what can I do to make it right?”  For even if the punishment is great, the self acceptance and inner comfort is greater if you are paying attention to it. 

My experience is that if you just do what is in front of you to do, whatever the resulting hardships, they always work out and you wind up happier and more fulfilled.  Your incarnational intention will see to it!  That is why it is there!

Getting honest with self is not easy.  If it were more people might try it and save themselves a lot of grief.  If you want to get honest with yourself here are a few steps:

1. Admit what is wrong in your life and write it down. (Let’s do one at a      time!)
2. Write down what you are doing to perpetuate the situation.  (Justification, rationalization, postponement, etc.)               
3. Kneel down and demand willingness and insight from your Higher Self. (Better to kneel down than to be brought to your knees!)
4. Go back to the writing and put down the first steps you can reasonably take toward resolving this situation.
5. Take action.

Everyone is different and every situation is different but denial is always the same and the result of denial is always the same... pain, frustration, interrupted life and growth and depression.

Problems are similar, solutions are similar, individuals are unique.  When you apply a similar solution to a similar problem you will get unique results!

If a reading would help... hummmmmmmmmmmm

Bill

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